So, I have decided that I need to lose weight. Trust me, I don’t come by this decision lightly. In fact, light is the opposite that is going on. So, unfortunately, I will have to stop some of my enjoyable bad habits. Not all of them, mind you. There are people that have to live in this house with me, and they like me heavier and happier. Anyway, I have been trying to eat less desserts. When I want something sweet, I try to just have a bowl of fruit. Frequently, I add a dollop (what a crazy word!) of Cool Whip. Tonight, as I rinse my dishes, I notice that Cool Whip isn’t exactly water soluble. It just kind of peels off the edges of the bowl like flecks of paint off the outside of a paint can. It made my stomach turn a little. Probably because I was trying to imagine what the Cool Whip was doing to my insides right at that moment. This stuff is the Styrofoam of the food world. Seriously, what is in this stuff?

It occurred to me that I would probably be better off using a small scoop of ice cream with my fruit. At least I understand the ingredients in ice cream. My ice cream (Breyers) has five small ingredients, and the only one that even looks remotely bad is vegetable gum. I understand that gum keeps the ice cream from melting for a little longer. The Cool Whip ingredients are a lengthy list of why it’s not fit for human consumption. So, maybe I should just use ice cream. Just a small scoop. Or maybe two. Well, they are small scoops, so why not three small, small scoops? I still have fruit. And fruit is yummy. I have a bunch of berries in there. You know what else has berries? Triple berry pie!!! Oh I LOVE triple berry pie! I mean, there are also a LOT of berries in triple berry pie, so maybe I should have that under my ice cream.

And therein lies my problem. Or part of my problem. My subconscious has a difficult time understanding why a bowl of fresh fruit with a dollop of cool whip is better than triple berry pie a la mode. And so, I will continue to fight the good fight with my weight. But I am going to make an honest effort to get rid of dietary Styrofoam. There are a couple good, homemade remedies for cool whip. None are as good as ice cream, but I cannot control my intake of ice cream, or its accompaniments. Ice cream has to go on the no fly list. I’ll put it by the triple berry pie. After all, they are amazing together.

I’ll keep you posted. My plan is to put forth a concerted effort for two weeks and hope that twenty pounds fall off. And when they don’t, I’ll throw my hands in the air and exclaim that losing weight must not be possible in middle age, so I should just give up. And that’s that.