You’ve all heard of a conga line. Let me tell you about another line. It’s way less fun, but still frequently involves dancing. It’s the teacher pee line. This line forms at the faculty bathrooms in the main office between class periods. It is especially long between second and third periods (10:05am…ish), when the morning coffee hits the bladder pretty hard. It’s worse if you had to skip the bathroom between first and second period (8:55am…ish). I’ve worked at a number of jobs throughout my life, and few, if any, have the severe bathroom restrictions required of teachers on a daily basis. The fact that every teacher in the building has the same five minute breaks stresses the two faculty bathrooms in the office. Now, you may say, just go into the student bathrooms. I’ve done that. The students also have the same five minute breaks, so then I stand in the student line. Because the students are uncomfortable with my presence, that line is eerily silent. Gone is the usual student banter that one can hear from the hall while passing the student bathrooms between class periods. Despite the large number of students in the bathroom, there is silence, broken by the occasional cough. While I’m in the stall, I can hear students trying to silence newcomers to the line. At best, it’s awkward. 

So, we trek to the office and stand in the dancing pee line for the faculty restrooms, one women’s, and one neutral, since there are far more female teachers. We ladies all prefer the women’s since it has a mirror that goes lower, allowing for us to check the waist of our outfit to make sure everything is tucked and arranged appropriately. But we will take whichever opens first and hope for the best. You can sometimes see the final teachers in line jogging the hallway between the two restrooms, angling for the first one that will open up. Our assistant to the Athletic Director has her office in that hall. She sees the morning jogs past her office door. Poor Cora. She, along with all administration, avoids the bathrooms during the passing periods. When I was treasurer at the middle school, I could also avoid the pee line. Not so much now. 

Fortunately, I have the best access to the bathroom, as my classroom is closest to the office. Sometimes I get held up with a student though, so I end up dancing the line. Frequently, I get there first. Then, I am the one holding up the bathroom. Why are women’s clothes so complicated? Do my pants really need a zipper, a button, and THREE hooks? I can get the lowest one hooked, but it comes unhooked when I try to hook the final one. The middle one is often left unhooked if I can’t make it work. I like to wear at least one tuck in layer (a black or white cami) to prevent showing crack while I am sitting, so I also have to get that tucked in while holding my top layers under my chin. This is before the hook issues. One day I had three (yes three) tuck-in layers. My classroom is freezing, so sometimes that is necessary. I am not wearing that outfit again. I can’t manage that and the hooks in a reasonable amount of time. I can feel the others waiting in the pee line. The pressure is incredible. If I end up in the neutral bathroom, I have to trust that everything is laying in an acceptable manner, and exit with confidence. No mirror check there. I don’t even glance at my hair or makeup. There is just no time. I need to be out to let at least two more people use the bathroom before the bell. 

And there can be no exiting to adjust in the hallway. There could be students, administrators, or visitors in that office hallway. It would be a tad unacceptable to walk out with my pants undone, trying to get the proper tuck-in managed, along with holding my sweater under my chin while I try to hook the impossible hooks. Who can work in those conditions… and with an audience? 

So today, while you enjoy your randomly selected pee break, think of your kids’ teachers and send them a little mental nod. The struggle is real. Have a great week everyone!