In my 28 years as a wife, I have discovered some quintessential differences between man and woman. One such difference is taking out the trash. The man trash method is efficient and quick. It goes something like this.
Me: Hey Travis, I have to coach tonight. Tomorrow is trash day. Can you get the cans to the street?
Travis: Sure Hon!
At some point in the next hour, Travis goes outside and rolls the trash can to the curb.
The woman trash method is far more complex, and honestly confusing at times. It usually happens on trash pick-up morning. I think, “Shoot, I have to get the trash down before I go to work.” At this point, I collect the trash from around the house. During the collection, I notice that the cat boxes are awful, so I scoop the boxes so that can go out too. As I pass by the laundry room, I realize that I never put in the load of laundry that I wanted to wash before I left for work, so I do that, including another trip around the house to grab socks that could be tossed in the wash. Why do we always need so many socks? After the laundry is going, I remember the trash and move to the kitchen to bring the kitchen trash and recycling to the outside cans. I have to go back in the house because I need to also get the paper and box recycling from the pantry. I wash my hands as I am walking by the kitchen because the kitchen trash was gross. Inexplicably, I then begin to empty the dishwasher (well, my hands are clean now…so I should take advantage of that). When I am done with the dishwasher, I remember the paper and box recycling and collect that from the pantry. As I walk that out to the recycling bin, I remember that I have boxes in the garage that need to go down. Since I don’t have my car keys to get to the garage door opener, and we have never had a keypad that works at this house, I must go through the house again. On my way to the front door, I almost step on a fresh dog dropping that Roscoe left on the walking path. He doesn’t like to walk into the grass too far, so he steps into the grass and drops his waste on the edge of the walking path. So, I pick up the dog waste from the entire front yard and bring it to the trash. Finally, I go through the house and arrive in the garage, I realize that there are MANY boxes and most of them haven’t been broken down, so I spend a bit of time on that.
Finally, I begin to roll cans down the driveway. I have one full and one mostly empty can so I stop on the driveway to collect the giant weed trees that I cut down last week while taking down the trash. I stop in the middle of our treacherous front drive and try to smash the tree like weeds from the jungle of a front hill into the mostly empty can because I don’t want to waste that space in the can. After getting in as many as I can, I proceed with the two trash cans to the street. Then I climb back up the drive and proceed with three more trips to bring down the recycle can and the vast collection of broken down boxes. On one of these trips, I run into our neighbors driving their trash down their driveway. It looks like a smart idea, but I don’t have an open back truck to facilitate that. I utilize the treacherous walk method, which ensures nearly a mile of walking up and down our crazy driveway and a high risk of slipping on the steepest part. Anything else seems boring. Anyway, we chat about neighborly things before I climb back up the drive to the house.
When I get in the house, I realize that more than an hour has passed and now I am at risk of being late for work. I rush through my morning routine knowing that Travis would wonder how taking the trash down made me late for work.
Someday, I will learn and utilize the man trash method, but for now, I will stick with what I know. On the other hand, Travis seems to be able to finish a project when he starts it and I find myself on the opposite side of the house on a tangent that has nothing to do with whatever project I was working on. Often I wonder, “How did I get here?” But that is far too deep a question for a simple Wednesday morning. Have a great week everyone!