The other night, as I was going to bed, I noticed that Tessa was hard at work on some piece of origami. I asked her if it was really necessary to stay up late playing with paper. She responded that it was extra credit for English, and she needed it because she had a low A right now because she had omitted a works cited page on a rough draft of a paper. She was battling back from a B, and the trimester ends in mid-February, so it is urgent. I am a little embarrassed to admit that I completely understood why she was doing this odd origami of the Colosseum. I didn’t really understand why this was part of English class extra credit. It was intricate and tiny. I suppose it tied in somehow.

Anyway, the next day, we were all up as usual, and I sent the kids off to school. On icy days, I ask that the kids text me when they get to school. On this day, I got a call. Of course, they never call, so I immediately freak out, picturing an accident as I answer the phone. It was Tessa, and she had forgotten her origami. No problem. I work at the school…I can bring it. What period do you need it? First, of course. UGH! I had gotten up early to work out that morning, so I was smelly and nasty. Also, I’ve noticed that some people (both my daughters) get out of bed and their hair looks nice. I’m not one of those people. I look like a troll doll that some child put hair product on and rubbed on the carpet. To work out, I grab a chunk of this mess and pull it back with an old hair comb leftover from the crustacean period. I do not have enough hair to pull into a pony tail. Now I have hair product, troll doll hair with the front matted down and clipped back and nasty workout clothes. I look in the mirror and immediately think, “I’ve gone out worse.” But of course, that was to a location where I may not actually run into people I know. This time, I was going to my work place, where I have worked at four wildly different positions, guaranteeing that I have met nearly everyone in the school. And, as I’ve written before, I work out in the same clothes all week. Fortunately, it was only Tuesday, so it was just day two. Day one would have been better. But I already knew I was going to go. I just needed to minimize the damage. I put on a winter hat…hair problem solved. Pull out a couple bangs and whoala! I slipped on winter boots, which I admit did not look good with my work out shorts. The shorts come to my knees, which left a hairy bit of leg showing above the boot. My winter coat completed my ensemble. One more look in the bathroom mirror and I decide to go before I change my mind.

Upon arriving, I thought I could quietly get in and out. Mary Lou, the high school secretary, is pretty busy in the morning. I get buzzed into the office and she glanced up. I tell her I have something for Tessa. Cheri, the attendance person (I’m not sure what her actual job description is because she does everything) comes out of her office. She can’t hold back. She lets out, “WOOWEE, not that’s quite the get up.” So Mary Lou has to come to get a closer look. The two of them have a good time at my expense. I even admit to them that it’s not the worst I’ve done. They clearly have higher standards than I do. I tell them to stay back because I probably don’t smell too good. A couple students filter in and out wrinkling their noses. I can’t be sure if it’s my smell or my look. I eventually escape. Now I am avoiding the office. No, there are no pictures. There is something about photographic evidence that makes things so permanent.

I’m not sure why I am willing to go out so shabby. I obviously have low standards. And what was my way out of this? There was no time to shower. I will have to wait to see if Cheri and Mary Lou even remember the incident.