Just a Thumb – Retrospective

So, it was suggested to me that I look back and post old musings. The following post was the very first time I ever posted a story. It involves my brother in law, Gottfried. I can’t remember the year, but maybe Goff (as we call him) can fill us in on the comments. It happened in February and we were just hit by a snow storm. By the way, Goff has cancer and is pretty sick right now. He is also one of my best friends. Please keep him in your thoughts. Here it is:

So, my brother-in-law calls me and says,”So Jo, you think you could go look for my thumb and bring it to the hospital.” Right there, normal is gone. The thing is, I was supposed to be at work, but two of us showed up for me, so I offered to go home and do homework. But, oh no, there is no homework today (technically yesterday at this point). So picture this…there I am sorting through bloody snow, looking for a thumb. When asked how much thumb, my brother-in-law offered, “I’m not really sure. It’s above the knuckle, but below the finger nail, I think. But I didn’t get a good look.” What nobody ever tells you is that blood congeals super weird with snow and appears almost solid. With my ginormous mittens, I wasn’t getting anywhere, so, yes, I took the mittens off and filtered through the bloody snow with my bare fingers (YUK!!@!#!%!_even if it were my kid but it’s not YUK!!!@!#!%!). No finger. So I let myself into their garage (the handy thing about having family close) and view the offending snow blower. There, the glove sticks out of the snow chute (hello…..creepy), jammed as all hell. So, what do I do? Of course, I call my sister…not the one that’s married to the thumbless brother-in-law (now missing two thumbs but that’s another story and I’m thankfully not involved with the first missing thumb incident). See, two sisters in one block can be handy. She comes and we pull on that stupid glove to no avail. Then, I have to reach through the blades…yeah I know it’s off, but that darn blower just claimed a thumb and may possibly be holding it hostage, so, yes, creepy again. I reach into the auger (some blowers have these, some don’t – this one does). After some time and effort, I turn the auger. Out comes the glove…thumb still in the thumb slot. Excellent…some part of my day is a success in a really surreal, freaky, I-never-want-to-look-for-another-appendage sort of way. After putting it on ice, driving it to the hospital with my sister and nearly getting killed, because apparently nobody could see traffic lights traveling south because they were covered with snow, I got to watch the doc sew the thing back on. See, it stayed cold on that appendage-eating snow blower, so it has a chance of surviving, but probably not. Anyway, cool to see it sewed back on. I will keep you posted. KEEP YOUR HANDS OUT OF THE SNOW BLOWER CHUTE PEOPLE. I am not looking for any more appendages, even if I have an apparent knack for finding them.

 

UPDATE: The thumb did not take and eventually ended up being removed…again.