Ours was a forced union, as such
You know I never cared for you much
As I leave you behind, I shed not a tear
You’ve been a pain in the butt for many a year
See, reliability was never your suit
So it was past time to give you the boot

You were sporty and fun and fast on a turn
And sexy and sleek, the rubber you’d burn
But you gave us trouble, almost right from the start
In those first few months, we spent days apart
Your entire exhaust was eventually replaced
After many visits to the dealer, that were not widely spaced

But that would not be the end of your woe
Your many repairs at the dealer made you my foe
Perhaps you could sense my complete disregard
But your need for attention made loving you hard
And many mechanics won’t work on your kind
Volkswagens need special tools that they didn’t want to find

But, you had the allegiance of Travis, my sweet,
However, I offer amenities you simply can’t beat
So, in the end, he chose me, not you
For his heart could not hold devotion for two
I did not cry when we parted ways
For I had plotted your end for many, many days

You tried to capture his attention with your “Check Engine” light
And you had him transfixed, he was in for the fight
The spark plugs, the ignition coils, all replaced
And still, the “Check Engine” light was graced
He tried, he cried, he threw in the towel
He yelled, he quelled, oh, his mood was foul

When he finally got the “Check Engine” light off
He said, “Time to go” with sadness, not scoff
I admit, I lept up and jumped at the chance
To be rid of you, at last, my victory dance
We test drove all sorts of Subaru and Jeep
We had a list of demands for the car we would keep

Manual transmission and all-wheel drive
Are required for a car at our home to arrive
At last, we settled on a Subaru Crosstrek
It met our demands and holds up in a wreck
I saw him look back at your sleek, silver physique
The new car could not match your fine mystique

And though Crosstrek will hold much better in snow
We gave up your turbo get-up-and-go
So, while I am not sad, Travis still mourns
All his wonder and possibility of the day you were born
He admits he won’t miss all the times you need fixed
Yet, still, I can see his emotions are mixed

“A car is a car” he valiantly proclaims
But it’s easy to see the sentiment he tames
But he traded you in, to get rid of expense
He was tired of drama and all the suspense
He had such high hopes, how high was the bar
But that was the end of Crappy the Car