When you move to a new place, you are instantly looking for places where you fit in. A friend group. A clan. Most of the time, we used our kids to find a parent group to get attached to. But my kids were older when we moved here, so that was tougher. Although I get along great with the parents, they already had their own thing going on and didn’t see my desperation. Or maybe they did, and decided to move along. Somehow, I found two clans. Actually, two clans saw me floating around with no place to attach, and they took pity on me and took me in. The first group is my Bunco Babes, but I will write about them another time. And yes, there are still Bunco groups out there. And no, that doesn’t make us old. We are too young to be old. You don’t know what you are missing out on. The second group is my book club. 

If you haven’t felt the panic to fit in, then you probably haven’t moved as an adult. I am a social creature, but I also don’t have the skills to connect with many people past a superficial level. I can get along with almost anyone, but I struggle to get past the friendly stage and move into the friend stage. Call it failure to commit, fear of rejection, or whatever you want. Through some miracle, I was collected up and invited into book club. I met my friend Michelle at a wrapping party. It was a fundraiser where you paid to wrap Christmas presents. It was pretty cool. Michelle and I bonded because she had moved from Naperville (five years earlier) and I from Lisle. Somehow I managed an invite to book club. I didn’t know, at the time, how lucky I was. There is a tight cap of ten kept on book club so we don’t get too big. Someone must have left, or they had a space open. Timing was everything. 

I remember going to my first book club. My now friend Kelly was hosting. At the time, I only knew Michelle, so Kelly was a stranger. I felt that sheer panic one feels when walking into a room where nobody knows you, but they all know each other. To top it off, book club has a habit of just walking into each other’s houses without knocking… because they know each other. So, I walked into Kelly’s house (because nobody answered the door because they were on the back porch), not even sure if Michelle was there yet, or if she told anyone that I was coming. Panic! Probably the same panic my kids had felt as they walked into a new school for the first time, not knowing a soul, living in a hotel because we couldn’t get into our house because our financing was messed up. After owning houses since 1993, we were suddenly a financial risk in 2015. I will never understand that. When we watch HGTV,  a couple will say, “I make jewelry and my husband raises goats. Our budget is two million dollars.” What? Those must be some goats!

Anyway, back to bookclub. These ladies took me in. I found a pack. We don’t always agree, but we always support. Perhaps that is the truest definition of friendship. In these ladies, I felt like I belonged. They feed my soul, and when necessary, make me a better person. And that’s usually necessary. 

So, to those of you out there struggling to connect, I feel your pain. Reach out to me! I’ve been there. If I can find footing, so can you. And thank you to the book club group. You are my Cheers group! Some of us spent a night this past week at Michelle’s cottage. I didn’t even know that I needed that! Food for the soul.