I was completely unprepared for the inundation of emotions as I dropped my youngest off for college last weekend. Truth is, I have never worried much about Tayden. He is like a rubber band, bending and stretching to accommodate life’s challenges. But college had him worried. And that added to my anxiety. He actually said, “In a month, I will be living in a completely different place with people I have never met before. I can’t even imagine that.” I compared it to camp, but camp was over in a week. 

I thought I was ready because this is my fourth kid. I have done “first day of college” drop offs three times already. Looking back though, I had more real life stresses at home for some of them. For Trent, we were in the process of moving from Illinois to Indiana. In fact, we were living in a hotel in Indiana when we left to drop him off. Travis’ parents had to spend the night in the hotel to get our younger kids to school while we were gone. Since I came home to that stress, it was harder to focus on Trent. For Tessa, we were in the middle of a move within Valparaiso to a house that needed some work, so we were busy. Taryn started her college career at Valparaiso University, so I was comforted by her proximity to home. With Tayden, I am overwhelmed by the power of my stress…not that I want to move again to spread the stress around a bit. 

I wonder if we worry about the baby a bit more because we have more time to worry. There are no younger kids at home to eat up our energy. I wonder if we realize our age when we are sending our youngest to college. I met Travis my first day of college… and that doesn’t seem that long ago. How can it be that all my kids are older than I was when I met Travis? I’m not sure what plays into my anxiety, I just must acknowledge the power of it. 

The drop off went smoothly enough. We had quite a crew with Tayden, the girls, Travis, and me. Tessa’s boyfriend even came to help since he lives outside Indianapolis. There was barely enough space in Tayden’s tiny dorm room for all of us to stand, much less move around. We had him ready to go, even if we couldn’t manage to move the bed to a lower position (it was really stuck). We all went out to dinner, including Tayden’s roommate Hanan and Hanan’s brother. Hanan’s family came, dropped his stuff off, and were gone in a matter of fifteen minutes, but they live locally, so anything forgotten can be brought later. His brother stuck around to visit. I thought I was doing so well. I said goodbye and didn’t even cry. But somewhere on the car ride home, I was hit with a wall of anxiety. Travis tried to keep me calm. I was rattling off the list of things we should have done but didn’t have the time for. Poor Travis, stuck driving I-65 through the construction while trying to keep me from a full on meltdown of tears. I only cried a little, but kept all those worries in my chest, making it hard to take a deep breath. 

I have been managing through the days since we dropped Tayden off. I got talked into teaching math, which takes all my time and energy, so I suppose that’s good. Every time I take a long term leave math teaching position (which is the only type I take), it’s like being a first year teacher. Seriously, the math is the least of my worries. It’s the technology that gets me. But that is a post for another time. I check my phone between classes to see if Tayden has texted me. I send him text “lamb-hugs” a couple times a day. Sometimes he texts back. I even talked to him last night, which did my heart some good. He seems fine. Me… well I’m getting there. 

Have a nice week everyone! Keep a kind thought in your head and heart for all the teachers going back to teach. Remember, we have your kids all day.