This is what happens when I start thinking that I am a normal person and maybe weird things will stop happening to me. Karma laughs. Last week, I thought that I was running out of interesting material. So, this week, I was rewarded with a bunch of new material. But you only get one story at a time. Last Wednesday, when I was beginning to think I could quietly go on living a normal life, I went out on the Green Machine (our John Deere lawn mower) to mow the yard. We have an amazing sweeping yard down to the lake, even if it is mostly weeds, since I am trying not to pollute the lake. With amazing yards, come numerous obstacles that must be moved, like the lounge chairs in a group under the shade trees and the fire pit which is slowly killing small swatches of grass in circular patterns and the really heavy table that we shot fireworks off of that the previous owners left for us. Getting that down off the porch for the new porch was a real treat. And man do we have a LOT of chairs in our yard. Who is sitting in all these chairs? I have a great system. Mow all around the items, then get off the mower and move them into the mowed area, which becomes their new home, so I don’t have to move them twice. I usually get one kid or another to help me. 

Last week, while I was moving the heavy, circular, metal fire pit, I was huffing and puffing with exertion, trying not to get too much ash on me, when I sucked a bug of some sort into my throat. As any regular person would do, I start coughing manically and clawing at my throat. Not sure what the clawing is supposed to accomplish, but I wasn’t really thinking about it at the time. For the first milliseconds, I was wondering what bug I had taken in because it was rather large and would NOT come out. That question was partially answered when the thing STUNG me…. INSIDE MY THROAT! Now, I was in roaring pain and uncertain if it was a bee, which would be done after one sting, or those banes of the world, the wasp, which would just be getting started. At this point, I am coughing while bent over trying to expel the thing, alternating with running to each slider on the back of the house to try to get in and find a remedy to the searing pain in my throat. I was a bit crazy, pounding on every locked slider I came to. You would think with six sliders on the back of the house, one would be open, but NOOOO, not even one. Fortunately, my deranged stomping, pounding, coughing rage registered on the radar of the kids in the house, including Trent, who works his real job from home, and got off a zoom meeting because clearly I was in the throes of death. When I finally got into the house, Trent and Taryn were trying to be helpful and were asking me what was wrong. I was swinging my arms wildly to remove them from my path to the kitchen. In my insanity, I had managed to figure out that I needed to get the bee/wasp down, not up. Of course, with the searing pain from the sting, and likely swelling, I was not sure if it was already down, but I didn’t want to take any chances. The kids just followed me, since I was incapable of communicating. 

So, I chugged a few glasses of water and held a chill pouch on my neck. This particular chill pouch is supposed to be velcroed around a bottle of white wine to keep it chilled. It worked great laying flat on my throat. Taryn convinced me to take a couple tablespoons of honey because she read that it takes the sting out. The only remedy that I have used to take the sting out is baking soda and water, but I really didn’t think it was a good idea to swallow baking soda, so I tried the honey. It worked fairly well actually. And it seemed like sweet justice that the very product of the source of my pain should soothe it. On the plus side, I have no allergy to bee stings, so I wasn’t too worried about needing a hospital trip. My throat remained achy for a few days, and it felt like I had something stuck in it because it was swollen. I was a little worried that the stinger was stuck, but it seems to be better now, so I’m probably fine. 

In the end, I got the sweet justice of knowing that my enemy was digesting and I would be okay. Tayden was supposed to do the push mowing sections of the yard that day, but he wanted nothing to do with the yard after my fanatical display. Also, he was convinced that the bee dissolving in my gut was sending out a warning signal to call the other bees to help him, so he wanted to be far away from me. Since I wasn’t swarmed by bees, I must conclude that he was incorrect. And today, I get to mow again.

Have a great week everyone! Next week, I’ll tell you about my run through the airport. Great exercise!