Last night, Travis and I went to bed at exactly the same time, a rarity. Usually, I insist on watching the news in the living room and I fall asleep for my pre-bed sleep on the couch. Travis rarely watches the news because it frustrates him. I don’t like to watch the news with him because he gets a bit sour. But last night, we laid our heads on our pillows at exactly the same time. I was still in my pre-sleep adjustments and I could hear soft, light snores coming from Travis. Seriously? Here is my discussion in my head:

Seriously! He’s already asleep… Don’t worry about him… How nice that he can fall asleep so fast… Just get comfortable and focus on me… Don’t think about what I need to do after work tomorrow… Don’t think about how nice book club was this evening… Did I leave laundry in the washer?… Shoot! I forgot to start the dishwasher… Oh, no wait, maybe I did start the dishwasher… STOP thinking about stuff!… But who loaded the dishwasher?… I wonder how much stuff will have to go through again?… If the water can’t get to the dish, it won’t get clean!… Ugh!… I hope the girls are okay at school… I wonder how they are doing with the online/hybrid classes… They say everything is fine, but is it?… Think about nothing… Think about nothing… Why does Travis get to sleep and I don’t?… What, am I five?… SHUT UP HEAD!!!… Move along to sleep… Nothing to see here! Nothing to see here!

And this goes on for thirty minutes if I am lucky. Many times, it is much, much longer. I have even changed my pillow a number of times, thinking that maybe a better pillow means better sleep. I currently keep the pillow graveyard on my bed, tossing them up there each morning as a reminder of how elusive sleep can be. I have seven pillows in regular pillow cases on my bed. They are not the fancy, decorative pillows that my peers have. They are a memorial to the difficulty of sleep and my futile attempts to improve my odds of falling asleep quickly. Truthfully, since we sold the lakehouse, we have way too many pillows, and I just don’t know where to keep my cast offs, so I just keep them on my bed. And I’m not decorative anyway. I have two decorative pillows on my bed, and they matched my bedroom two houses ago. I also have a pink heart that the kids got me. It also matches nothing. The bed matches my personality. A collection of things from my past, mismatched and scattered, but perfectly functional. 

I don’t understand why sleep is so hard to start. It should be like a light switch. Time to go to sleep… Flip the switch… Asleep. Or maybe like ordering at a restaurant. I’ll take sleep, please. It seems to work for Travis. I know some of you out there can relate. And we drag through another tired day, hoping for better sleep tonight! It’s bound to happen eventually! Have a great week everyone!