Alright everyone, I am officially losing it! I am gaining weight. I realize that I never invested enough in stretchy pants. I never liked them because they don’t have pockets. Well, it turns out that pockets aren’t that necessary when you never leave your house. I may have forgotten how to apply make-up, not that I was ever that good at it anyway. I flip between productive and completely non-productive for no particular reason, and I feel like I have recently gotten stuck in non-productive mode. I have also given the kids free access, allowing them to move the kitchen table so they can play outdoor games indoor if the weather is crappy (and it frequently is crappy). I think that many of you can relate. I have one additional “crazy” that I am reluctant to share…but here I go. 

I have become crazy goose chaser. Yup! There appears to be a pair of geese that have been trying to nest on my property. It used to be that the geese travelled in large packs, but now they have paired off in hopes of a little romantic time. That’s all fine, but if you have ever inadvertently approached nesting geese, you know why I don’t want them on my property. So, in my current condition (overweight, whack hair, house clothes) I patrol my property. Sometimes, I let my blind, old dogs out. If the dogs are properly prepared (“GO GET EM!!”), they will actually chase the geese. But the geese have figured out where the invisible fence ends, so they just step into the neighbors’ yards or walk into the water and wait until the dogs lose interest. The dogs may still be outside, but have decided that they like the goose poo buffet, so they will leave the providers of such delicacies alone…or they can’t see the geese that well anyway. The geese are smarter than me. 

In desperation, we have discovered that the geese don’t like the sound of the air soft gun. Our air soft guns have very little power or accuracy, so there is absolutely no chance of actually hitting the geese. Truth is, I don’t even know how to refill the little shot pellets, so the gun has been empty for a long time. But just the pop of the toy gun makes the geese fly. And if they fly, they stay away longer. So, there I am, the picture of elegance, yelling at the geese, shooting my useless air soft gun with no pellets in it, and jumping around if they don’t fly off. Classy! I know that’s what you are thinking. 

Stay classy Valparaiso! I will need intense therapy after this is over.