So this New Year, I actually did decide to lose a little weight. I generally don’t involve myself in quantifiable New Year’s resolutions. I prefer the softer, more agreeable type resolutions, like treat myself better; Treat others better; Live healthier; Eat healthier; Sleep more. I can say I have succeeded at those without much proof. Losing weight is so solid. Actually, I am not doing this for any altruistic reason, like being healthier. The truth is, I went skiing with my family over break, and my snow pants were tight. A little uncomfortably tight. And these aren’t just any snow pants. These are North Face snow pants I really like. Okay, and these are the snow pants I bought to replace the last snow pants when they became a little uncomfortably tight. But I really didn’t like those old snow pants. They were low cut, so when I sat on the chairlift and my coat lifted up, those snow pants slid down, leaving a gap for the cold air to enter my warm body. Well, and also quite possibly leaving a definitive “say no to crack” statement for the following chairlift, depending on the chairlift design. All those things were sub-optimal. But the North Face ski pants have none of those drawbacks. I like them. So, the timing just worked out, as we returned from our trip on December 31, to make a New Year’s resolution to lose weight. Besides, I need to wear those snow pants in March, so I need to get on this.

So, I embarked on this quest. I impulsively bought a book on interval dieting that had two beautiful people on the cover. Do you know how boring diet books are? All they talk about is calorie restriction and eating healthy. So, I skimmed the book, marking the pages that looked pertinent. Now, I only eat eight to ten hours in a day. I had to add a calorie tracking app to the process, because the skinny handsome doctor and his beautiful wife don’t realize just how much food I can cram into my mouth in just eight hours. Skinny people can be annoying that way. So, here I am, tracking every calorie, working out diligently, and probably crabbing a bit more…because I am hungry. In the three weeks of the New Year, I have posted a three pound weight loss. Seriously? I can gain three pounds in one indulgent night!! Whatever!! Patience (of which I have little) is key, right? Patience and diligence.

The other morning, I looked at Travis and I said, “You look thinner? Are you losing weight?” He actually said (not realizing that he was putting his life in great peril), “Yeah, I’ve been thinking about what I’m eating this week and trying to work out more. I think I’m down five pounds.” SERIOUSLY!!!!! THINKING ABOUT IT A LITTLE??? Just this week? Down five pounds? And really, does Travis even really need to lose weight? I am impressed that my hangry self didn’t kill him at that moment. I’m not sure he even realized the danger.

So there is the unfairness. Here I am, diligently working out four to five times a week (okay, the work out part doesn’t really bother me that much, but Trav doesn’t know that…well, now he does because he reads this, but whatever), tracking every morsel that goes into my mouth, and trying to cut back on coffee to eventually quit (because I read about John Hopkins’ research that shows that coffee addiction is similar to drug addiction…stupid John Hopkins). All this is happening while I am still coaching, Tayden is in the final preparations for the musical (come see it this weekend or next), and Tessa is wrapping up her senior year in basketball and diving, so my time is chewed up and the schedule is crazy. Really bad time to quit coffee by the way. John Hopkins, I am giving you the bird! Don’t take it personally…I’m hangry! I barely move the scale with monumental effort for three weeks, while Travis loses five pounds by “thinking about it” for a week. How is that fair?

Well, there it is…the battle of the sexes. Men not realizing that they need to shut up and women not killing them for it. I will keep you posted on the battle of the snow pants. Stupid snow pants. I probably can’t even buy a new pair now anyway, because they had to clear the racks for summer clothes, so I have no choice but to lose weight. Stupid weight!