Yup, that was me mowing my lawn at 9:40 pm in the dark, with Travis holding a flashlight so I could see where to mow. No, that is not our normal behavior. Well, not until now. We may need to do it again. See, last year we had a small colony of cicada eating wasps. This year we have about 100 cicada eating wasps. Have you ever seen these bad boys? They are 1 ½ to 2 inches long. Generally speaking, they are relatively docile. In fact, the males can’t even sting. Which begs to question, what role are the males playing in this thing anyway. That’s a question for another day. I actually can’t tell the males from the females though, so I have to assume that they can all sting. The females don’t sting unless they think you threaten their nest. They are nesting in a 10 by 10 foot grassy section of our backyard. So that section needs to be mowed. Turns out, mowers seem to threaten them. They nest in the ground, and they don’t like a loud machine with moving blades passing over their homes. Who knew? So they chase me. I carry a long range wasp spray with me while mowing the back yard. My back yard is generally not a yard that I would consider mowing one handed, but being attacked by huge wasps has forced me to acquire this new talent. Did I also mention that I have to avoid the poison ivy? Last week, I had to stop the mower to run inside to scrub my leg after I realized that I brushed against a poison ivy bush (yes, it can become bush-like…lucky me). I read somewhere that scrubbing immediately is of utmost importance, so I took that to heart. And since I didn’t get a rash after a thorough and abrasive scrub, I believe it worked. And I sprayed that bush with roundup, so it is a dried up skeleton of itself this week.

As usual, I digress. So, I was getting attacked by two inch wasps while mowing the yard with one hand, carrying a long range wasp killing spray with the other, and avoiding poison ivy. I used to just worry about stepping in dog crap. Now, dog crap doesn’t even make it on my radar. I did, however, manage to have a bird crap in my hair today while doing all the above things. Nice! This was all happening at a normal 1pm mowing time. At a few points, the wasps chased me, so I was forced to abandon the mower, while simultaneously spraying long range wasp killing spray in the air in a random fashion and releasing an ear piercing scream mixed in with colorful four letter words. Sometimes, I am not a good neighbor. Our neighbor kids learned a whole new language. The problem is that I ran out of wasp spray (and roundup, since I went around spraying all the poison ivy), and I couldn’t go directly over the nesting site. So, I had to go over that portion of the yard after dark, when they are far more likely to stay in their burrows. Fortunately for me (and Travis with the flashlight), they DID stay in their burrows. We could have done it a little earlier in the evening, but we were busy at the Porter County Fair watching a figure eight school bus demolition derby. I am now a true Hoosier! Who knew? And that demolition derby was cool! City slickers should partake!

Since our small colony became huge in just one year, I have decided that I cannot keep them because I can’t imagine how many I will have next year. Also, I have no hatred for cicadas, so it is time for the cicada eating wasps to go. I looked online and have determined that I need the broad based approach that requires us to spread poison over the nests every night for about a week. The other methods want us to pour the poison into each burrow. Seriously!!! I don’t want to be that close, and we have 100 burrows. So I ordered the poison online, and I anxiously await its arrival.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, the sting can range from feeling like you got bit by a mosquito to getting stung by 10 wasps in one spot at one time. Why? It depends if the female has just killed a cicada. If she has, then she will have little toxin left. If she hasn’t, your body part may swell to three times its normal size and be in excruciating pain. That is why they generally don’t like to sting. It ruins their dinner because they can’t immobilize a cicada if they sting me. Personally, I don’t want to bother their meal. But I do want them dead. I’ll keep you posted.

And I did step in dog poo too. Poo on my head, poo on my shoe. Head to toe poo. But I got the entire yard mowed (eventually) and didn’t get stung, and didn’t get poison ivy, so I put today in the win column. Is it too late for a lawn service?