I hope everyone enjoyed a peaceful and enjoyable Christmas with family and friends. I know I did. Christmas is a time where 65 Weizeorick family members embark upon someone’s home and eat all the food that they have. This year it was Phil and Mel’s house, like every odd numbered year. When dealing with numbers like we have, some traditions must be suspended. Here are a list of things we DON’T do:

• Exchange gifts. We don’t do it. Nobody needs 64 items to drag home. We don’t even do Secret Santa because we come and go all evening, and we are never sure who will be where when. You may leave with an extra kid, but no gift. Actually, it is the lack of gift giving that I enjoy even more. We are there because we want to be… well, that and the free food. And wine. And beer.

• White elephant. This was recently abandoned, as the hosts of the celebrated Christmas extravaganza would find various white elephant gifts hidden throughout their house because people didn’t want to take them home. What? You don’t want a 28 year old blue pleather jacket that’s two sizes too small?

• Eat around the table all together. Who’s got a table that big? Really, someone yells something like, “food’s ready!” and it’s game on! You get your food, find a spot that isn’t taken by someone else (probably standing) and eat while engaging in no less than three conversations at once. It works for us.

• Quiet down. We NEVER quiet down. Talk louder or go home. So, clearly, with abundant food, wine, and beer available, we talk louder because we aren’t going home. It really is an adjustment to those that married into the family.

• Coddle newcomers. Survival of the fittest. If you don’t figure it out your first year, you’ll get it the next year.

• End a party early. Not everyone stays until the wee hours, but those that do are usually treated to a rousing competition of Karaoke. Or some other competition. One year it was who could chest press the most (women and men had separate categories), another year it was push-ups. Another time it was longest head-stand. Longest hula-hoop. The list goes on. I think I am pushing for a dance competition next year. I have to find something I can win.

• Rent a hall. Why would we pick a place that could comfortably fit a large number of people when we can jam into someone’s house, distress their plumbing, eat and drink everything, and leave at an uncomfortably late hour? I even left without half my kids. The host gets extra kids and a mess to clean up.

• Discuss New Year’s resolutions. We never talk about this. We figure we are already like Mary Poppins: practically perfect in every way. Or, at least we don’t actually want to dwell on the things we need to change. Not while we are consuming copious calories and planning to sleep in the next morning.

• Escape hugs. Some newcomers think they don’t have to hug everyone, just because we don’t really know them. It doesn’t work that way. Christmas is the day to fill your hug bank for the cold winter to come. We hug when we enter, we hug when we leave. There are hundreds of potential hugs to be had in one evening. If you’re in the house at Christmas, we figure we are related to you, soon to be related to you, or might as well be related to you, so you get a hug.

I hope you enjoyed the warmth of the season and had a chance to remember why we don’t all live in a family commune. It’s fun to get together, it’s a drag to live together. This wraps up the year in harrumphs. Fortunately, next week is a new year. Happy New Year! And that’s that.