I know it’s Valentine’s Day, so I should do some romantic story, but I just don’t have it in me today. I am not done talking about underwear. This time, we need to cover men’s underwear. The other day, Trav noticed that I tossed a pair of his underwear in the trash. He used to get upset when I would toss a pair of his underwear, saying that I was too picky. They were just “broken in.” One specific time, he put them on and wore them to work, as the trash was empty except for the broken-in underwear. Later that day, he had to rush into the bathroom at work because one of the boys had wriggled its way through a small hole in the underwear, and it was causing him excruciating pain. He had to work the rest of the day commando and toss the now “broken out” underwear. 

Ballroom Briefs: That was the start of the term ballroom briefs. Sometimes you just don’t want the boys to have more room. Sometimes, you need to keep them secure. Now, when I throw out a pair of his underwear, Trav may inquire, but always acquiesce when I say, “ballroom briefs.” I like to think that his mind travels back to that day that his briefs allowed a little too much room, and that is why he concedes to my opinion, but in truth, I now rip open the small holes before I trash them, so that he simply can’t use them anymore. I am really protecting him from himself. 

Grammy Pants: Travis also has different types of underwear. He has his Grammy pants. If stretched, these can reach to his chest. They are extraordinarily unattractive and guarantee that I will not be interested in romantic time. They are that ridiculous. Maybe that’s why he wears them. I should just throw them out, but they have not developed any defects yet, so I keep them. They should be emergency underwear, but he keeps them in general circulation to make me laugh. And now that he is nearly a grandpa, perhaps they just fit.  

Stretchy: He has the old, stretched out, but not holey pairs. Wavy from years of use, the waistband is completely ineffective. When he wears these, he must be relying on his pants to hold up his underwear. Seems like a dangerous situation, which could result in his underwear sliding down underneath his pants, relying on the crotch of his pants to keep them from exiting on their own, which would definitely cause some issues. I should probably eliminate these pairs, but I am waiting for the problem to solve itself and force Trav to work commando again. 

Teeny Tiny: He has the ball-busting pairs. He says that they have extraordinary stretching abilities, but I can’t imagine that they can stretch that much. They look like they should fit a seven year old boy. But, he wears them, so they can’t be that bad… but he does have low expectations. 

Those Weird Black Ones: These look like they should be tightly-whitey style, but they are black, which makes them better. But they are a little more… cradling… if you will. I have no words. He loves them. I’m okay with them, but they are a little cringy. 

Normal: Yes, Trav does have normal underwear. (I was notified that I am the only one that calls them dundies, so I am not allowed to use that word anymore). These are short boxer briefs, as the longer ones look ridiculous on a short man, so I refuse to purchase them. I tell myself that he doesn’t like long boxer briefs, but I truly have no idea, as he has never owned a pair. I must admit, his fleet seems to be aging, with some going ballroom style, so I probably need to purchase more, but that is just such a chore. 

That covers the guy’s underwear edition. Stay tuned for more questionable content next week. In case you were wondering, Travis allowed this post. I was going to say that he approved the post, but that may overstate things. Have a great week everyone!