As I was slowly, cautiously descending my rain slicked driveway yesterday, it occurred to me that I could put together a list of things that may make your driveway crazy, much like Jeff Foxworthy does for rednecks. So here it goes:
If you’ve ever found your car in your neighbors front yard after parking it on your driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever slid your car into your own front yard just trying to get to the street, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever had to shovel your front yard in an attempt to return your car to the driveway, you may have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever accidentally turned on your turn signal at the bottom of your driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve learned to control slide your car down the driveway even if it’s only rained, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve changed your car buying habits to only consider all-wheel-drive or four-wheel-drive cars because of your driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If both you and your spouse have accidentally (had to add the accidentally) slid on your back down the entire length of your driveway and into the busy street multiple times (just me… I’m the only one that has done it multiple times), you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve put gator grips on the bottoms of all your boots to prevent accidentally sliding on your back down the entire length of your driveway and into the busy street, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever had one cat in the car barf all over the other cat in the car because of the endless sliding in an attempt to get up your lightly snow covered driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you shovel your driveway, even if there is only ⅛ inch of snow, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you have 10 bags of driveway salt in your garage during the summer because you never know when that first frost could make your driveway a hellacious tunnel to certain death, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever left the long weeds purposely grow at the bottom of the driveway because you know that grabbing them could be the only thing that stops your accelerating body from pummeling into the busy street, you might have a crazy driveway.
If the local bus driver won’t drive her regular car up your driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If the first comment that comes out of anyone’s mouth upon their initial visit to your house is in regards to your driveway, you might have a crazy driveway.
If the two small moving trucks couldn’t make it up your driveway, forcing your movers to carry all your belongings up the driveway (and earn a BIG tip), you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever developed emergency family “Plans of Action” to address critical snow removal situations, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever had to pick up all your recycling or trash off the driveway when you’ve slipped onto your back bringing the cans to the curb, which turned your waste can into spiraling Tasmanian devil, spewing all its contents in a circular fashion before coming to a rest in the middle of the street, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever experienced that second of weightlessness that occurs before you land on your upper back and flail like a flipped turtle while you cascade to the street on that day that you decided you didn’t need to wear the gator grip boots, you might have a crazy driveway.
If you’ve ever watched your spouse experience that moment of weightlessness because he didn’t listen to you about wearing the gator grip boots, you might have a crazy driveway.
If your regular winter morning routine is to get up an hour and a half early to check the driveway, no matter the weather forecast, you might have a crazy driveway.
Oh, there are many, many more, but this is enough for this fine Wednesday morning. I will gather some more from the family and continue next week. Have a great week everyone. And remember, it could be worse. You could have my driveway.